Don’t Force the Hug
As adults, we know there are many situations in life where saying “yes” is not in the cards. Whether it is taking on another task at work when we are already overly busy, agreeing to our child’s request for a candy bar in the grocery checkout line, or lending an article of clothing to a friend – we know we have the power to say no. As a parent or caregiver, it is important to help the children in your life understand that they too have that power and encourage them to use their voice, trust their intuition, and give and seek consent.
One important place where a child should be empowered to use their voice is in their decision whether they give affection to other people. During the holiday season, your child may interact with additional family and friends during get-togethers and other festive events. Let your child know that they have the power to decide how they interact with other people and that there is not a requirement to give physical affection to someone else if they are not comfortable. Do not force the hug. Let them know they have a choice.
“As parents we expect our children to respect our boundaries because we are the adult and they’re the child but we also need to have that respect when they want to say ‘No thank you.’ If you start showing them at a young age that you respect what they say about their body and respect their boundaries you’re setting them up for success,” said Becky Pitzrick, Child and Family Advocate at the One Place Child Advocacy Center. “We want to teach children that if they feel uncomfortable with something that it’s ok to say something.”
A child that feels forced to show affection may receive the message that they are not in control of their own body. This can be a dangerous message for children to receive – that people they know can always touch them.
An important part of helping your child understand consent is educating them on these five body safety basics:
“We want to teach children that they’re the boss of their bodies. In teaching them that we have to trust them to make their own choices on who they feel comfortable with and who they don’t,” said Becky Pitzrick, Child and Family Advocate at the One Place Child Advocacy Center. “They don’t have to hug or kiss someone they don’t feel comfortable with.
Statistics show that 30-40 percent of perpetrators are immediate or extended family members of the victim, up to 50 percent know their victims and are in a position of trust with the victim and/or family, and less than 10 percent of perpetrators are strangers.
“The statistics are real and the majority of children who are abused are abused by family members,” Pitzrick said. “Back in the day they used to teach stranger danger but you are more likely to be victimized by people you know than people you don’t know. It’s very scary but it’s also very real.”
So this holiday season (and every other season) respect your child’s voice and empower them to make decisions about their body.
One Place offers the Darkness to Light: Stewards of Children training to help participants identify and recognize the signs and symptoms of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Participants will gain a better understanding of the NC Child Abuse Reporting Law, the steps to reporting suspected abuse, and information on the reasons why children are mistreated. Click here to register for our next session on February 22, 2022. There is a $10 fee associated with the training.
RESOURCES
Defend Innocence: Don’t Force the Hug
Visit Prevent Child Abuse North Carolina to access their free online training “Recognizing & Responding to Suspicions of Child Maltreatment”.
Visit Darkness to Light for additional resources and information on child sexual abuse.
Click here for information on reporting suspected child abuse or neglect in Onslow County.