A Guide to Parenting During Deployment 

Every family deals with deployment differently—and every child will have a different reaction to a parent’s distance. Whether you’re preparing for your first deployment or you’ve been through one before, there are a number of ways you can prepare your family and your children. 

Before Deployment 

Start a conversation. 

The first step is to sit down and have a conversation with your children about deployment. Depending on their age, you can discuss what deployment is, what your service member’s role is within their unit, and where they’re headed. You can also discuss their overall mission if it’s appropriate information for your child. 

Let your kids ask as many questions as they have, and answer in a straightforward, honest, and positive way. Remind your children that you love them and support them. 

Discuss a communication plan. 

Create a family plan around communication as your service member prepares for deployment—and make sure your children know that they may not be able to talk everyday. Set family expectations for how often you can communicate, what you can talk about, and what communication tools you can rely on. 

Create a family care plan. 

While deployment is never easy, creating a family care plan offers peace of mind. A typical family care plan includes information and details about child care, school, medical care, family activities, and emergency contacts. 

Before your deployment, compile the following information: 

• Child care and school: Include details about your child’s child care program or school, including extracurricular activities. 
• Medical care: Compile a list of any medications, allergies, or doctor’s appointments for your child. 

• Contact information: Include phone numbers, emails, and addresses of friends and relatives. It’s best to also include contact information for any health care and service providers that your family works with. 

• Important documents: Include copies of your birth certificates, life insurance policies, will, and beneficiary information. 

• Parental guidelines: If your children have food preferences and restrictions, special activities, allowances and spending routines, or anything else that’s part of your family’s routine, you can make a note of it here. 

During Deployment 

If you’re home: 

With one parent gone, new challenges may arise. Try to maintain your routines as much as possible and keep consistency in your child’s life. Make sure to keep an open line of dialogue for your child about your service member: You might set aside time each day to talk about what they’ve heard on the news or from their classmates. You can also send care packages and write letters to keep your child connected with their deployed parent as much as possible.   

While a parent is deployed, there are different activities you can do with your child at home:

• Get a Hug-a-Hero Doll. Take a photo of your service member and receive a huggable doll for your child. 
• Create a deployment wall. To keep your child engaged, consider starting a deployment wall or corner in your house for your child to connect with their deployed parent. This might include world clocks, maps, and countdown items to track a parent’s return.
• Read books together. There are hundreds of wonderful books about deployment and maintaining a family bond. We recommend Over There for young children who are separated from their parent due to deployment. There are versions available for fathers and for mothers. For dealing with grief, separation anxiety, or loss, The Invisible String is a heartwarming, helpful read for children.  

If you’re deployed: 

As much as possible, stay in regular contact—and for times when you can’t, tell your child that you love them and you’re thinking of them. If you can, send letters or emails. Staying connected with your family and your children throughout your deployment will make the transition back home much more seamless.

After Deployment

Spending time preparing your family before deployment will help your transition back home be even easier—but keep in mind that this transition can still be rocky and come with its own unique set of challenges.

• Take it day by day. Ease back into your routines slowly, knowing that everyone may be feeling a mix of emotions—from excitement to anxiety and worry. Try to remain mindful and present, taking it one step at a time and accepting what everyone is feeling. 
• Be patient. With yourself, your children, and your partner. Sometimes, it can take weeks or even months to find a new normal and settle into a comfortable routine. Give yourself and your family grace and patience as you adjust and transition. 

• Focus on the positive. When family members are deployed, children and parents change and grow—sometimes with astonishing speed. While it can be hard to witness these changes, try to appreciate them as much as possible. Be grateful to one another, stay flexible, and keep an open channel of communication so you can work through new changes and surprises.  

Resources

For general military family support, we recommend reaching out to the following resources: 

• MCCS Lejeune-New River: For general support, we recommend community services offered by the Marine Corps, which include the following:

• • Child & Youth Program 
  • Exceptional Family Member Program 
  • Family Team Building 
  • New Parent Support Program 
  • Single Marine Program 
  • Community Counseling 
  • Prevention & Education 
  • Sexual Assault Prevention & Response Program 
  • Substance Abuse 
  • Family Member Employment Assistance Program 
  • Personal Financial Management 
  • And so much more! 
• USO of North Carolina: Connect with our local USO for upcoming events, activities, and programming. 
• Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society: NMCRS offers financial assistance and education, loan assistance, education assistance, emergency travel support, and much more.  

Deployment-specific resources are also available: 

• Military OneSource — Deployment Resources: Military OneSource connects military families with a wide array of programs and services. This list offers a list of resources to consult when a service member in your family is deployed.
• The Center for Deployment Psychology — Military Family Resources: A comprehensive list of resources compiled by the Center for Deployment Psychology. These resources offer information for military families, couples, and children. 
• National Military Family Association — Preparing for Deployment: When preparing for deployment, consult this list of five key items from the National Military Family Association.

We’re here to help. 

If you’d like personalized assistance as you search for the right resource for your family, we’re here to help. Contact us here: https://www.oneplaceonslow.org/about-us/contact-us/